Kill Me. Please.

Updated: Jul 5, 2018

​"In two minutes we want thirty of you dead. If thirty of you are not dead, we will end sixty of your lives ourselves. Five, four, three, two, one." - The Voice, The Belko Experiment

​Didn't know the audience was included in the slaughter too.

In what turns out to be a dangerous social experiment, put on by some group of sadistic quacks, 80 Americans are locked in their new corporate office in Bogotá, Colombia and ordered by "The Voice"  to kill off their coworkers slowly.

Sounds good, right? Apparently even took nine years to write.

Don’t know why. It surely doesn’t show. Time obviously doesn't equal quality.




Look. I could quite literally sweep the floor, pour the dirt on some paper, glue it down and it would look better and be better written than The Belko Experiment.

It was gory without reason. Listen, I don’t mind some blood splatter and a cutoff limb here and there, but it better there needs to be a reason behind it. It needs to serve a purpose in my mind as to why I needed to see all of these innocent characters die such gruesome deaths.

The person who survived was the person who should've died first, in that he was an irritating little pacifist prick, who snapped at the end of it all. In fact, I almost would have preferred that Barry Norris (Tony Goldwyn), the perceived villain, to win. To be quite honest, I mildly agreed with the "antagonists"(who is truly antagonisitc and who is the protagonist in the movie is relative to each watcher ). If they weren’t total jerks and giving me all types of white supremacist vibes(as they all were cis- gendered straight white men) killing off everyone else because they somehow deemed themselves better. Which, let me add, for this being set in Colombia and citizens of the U.S., there was a lack of diversity. They send all of the Colombian Citizens home before the day starts, but you mean to tell me out of all the people in U.S. they brought over this gaggle of white idiots. But, hey there was a chick in the wheelchair. Yay. There was a gay Latino. Yay. And, his black best girlfriend. Yay. Checking off the boxes, aren't we? But, they forgot to check off the basics of a good movie.

There is no 'real' plot. The halfway attempt at comedic moments could've been left out. There was no suspense. No super exciting action, unless you consider exploding heads and bashing people's faces in with office staplers “thrilling action.” The overall concept could've been tackled and explored better. Though they try to take a dark look at human nature, no real in-depth dialogue gave me anything new to think about or old ideas in a new refreshing way, in the study of human nature. Simply, the only question that was posed was, “is it human to nature to look out for yourself?” Yeah. Duh. However, when they took a couple of seconds to show people struggling with the coming to terms with the answer, then it was interesting. But, that pondering lasted a couple of seconds and never happened again.

The pure stupidity of some of the people was baffling. "The government wouldn't cage us and try to kill us." "This couldn't be an experiment" They are, and it is! It's simply not realistic. I don’t understand why people make people in movies so stupid, unobservant, and act like they can’t connect the dots.

Truly, one of the biggest offenses was, however, that I didn't cheer really for anyone. They all could've died. They all could've lived. I don't care. If you are going to do suspense, I shouldn’t feel 'dismissive' of the fact that 'my character’(that one you attach to over the course of the movie, the protagonist or otherwise) is dead or alive. I sat there almost entirely bored. 

The whole production team needed to sit down and watch Battle Royale​(2000) and see how to do a movie of this caliber correctly.


Should it have been left on the cutting room floor or should you be running out the door to see it?

It would be offensive to the Floor to say this is where it belongs. It belongs in the Trash.

They should’ve just dumped the footage on the ground and burned it. Deleted all the files.

It was waste time, money, effort and mental energies trying to think of ways to describe this as a good movie when it just... wasn’t. If it took nine years to write that script, they should’ve taken another 27 years.

If I were the editor, my job would’ve been real quick and easy…

#TheBelkoExperiment #OriginalReviews #FilthyFloors #FTTD #Trash #OliviaComeGetYoMan

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