#STUPIDMOVIES2K17

Updated: Jul 5, 2018

"You messed with the wrong mother." ​- Karla, Kidnap



GIRL. YOU TIRED IT!!

Nah! They messed with right one. They stole the right child from the right mother. In all reality, her poor decisions she should’ve never seen her child again.

Karla Dyson (Halle Berry) child is taken from her during a park festival. She just so happens to catch a glimpse of the abductors putting her son into their car before speeding away. And, knowing she can't let them take her son, she decides to "fight back."

Kidnap is a low, even for Halle Berry. And, I’m quite baffled as to understand why it is truly rated-R other than promotional reasonings. Because nothing happened.

OPEN DOORS


The score was good. For a couple moments, I was reminded of The Invitation soundtrack. And, it was those couple minutes I enjoyed.

Other than that, the only other things of this film that I liked was the first 15 minutes. They were realistic, well thought out, and laid a good base for a suspense/action movie. It sadly is not, FYI. I’ve watched cat videos with more thrilling action than this... Movie? (I debate on calling this a "movie," in fear of being offensive to actual GOOD movies.)


SWEPT FLOORS


First off, this whole plot of a kidnapped child is old, mommy or daddy rescues them is tired. Put the plot to rest for goodness sake.

Alright, you know how all good(keyword: Good) films of the "kidnap" genre, have a heart pounding scene where the child is taken. And, most of the time there is some sort of logic to it. Like, the parents aren't really there(i.e., Taken) or something. Much like my love for this movie, it does not exist. She received a phone a call and all of a sudden taking a phone call and watching her kid were mutually exclusive events. And, this is a problem because you find out the kidnapper talked to the child for a good couple of mintues. So instead of calling "Marco"(their way of finding each other), all she had to do was turn around. It wasn't as if these were skilled kidnappers(they get beaten by her; so they can't be that smart), who had planned the abduction. It wasn't as if she looked down one minute and the child was gone the next. No. She just couldn't turn around. Maybe it's like the whole, not being able to walk and chew gum at the same time.

On top of that, Karla had NUMEROUS(and I mean like a good four or five times) to whack the kidnappers and get her child back. But what does she do? Stand there looking them or runs away. This girl, was IN A CAR, when the male kidnapper charged towards her, not with a gun, but a small knife-NOT EVEN A BUTCHER KNIFE! It was a little swiss army knife. And, what does she do? She backs up! It was at this point in the movie I knew this it was not for me. I dumbfounded as to what possessed her to go backward instead of mowing the man down. This woman’s lack of action had me more irritated than the fools that took the child. Which begs me to ask the question, why is this actually Rated R? MPAA says it's Rated R for "violence and peril." That's a lie. If that's the reason behind the rating, Finding Nemo should be Rated R, and it would be more fitting than for Kidnap.

And, let's return to the tagline, and one of the last lines of the movie: “You’ve messed with the wrong mother.” I just about died laughing. Could they have not have thought of anything better? That is the saddest and most clichè line I have ever heard? And, in all honesty, for her to have gotten her child back, should really make the kidnappers feel crappy; they got bested by a complete and utter idiot.

I do have one question, however: where did they get these indestructible cars from? Because all the cars involved were involved in crashes and somehow never stopped working because a car t-boned them AT FULL SPEED. Nah. They stop working because they ran out of gas. Not sure how that is possible, but I still fail to see why La La Land was such a popular movie. So I guess anything is possible. Not to even mention the fact, that she should've DIED in the multiple wrecks she was involved in! If Karla weren't such a whack character, I would've thought she was the terminator or something.

The directing was terrible. The cinematography was, well, lacking and cheesy. The script was atrocious. And, the acting should be investigated by the SVU team because it was absolutely heinous.

FLOOR OR DOOR?

Should it have been left on the cutting room floor or should you be running out the door to see it?



This belongs on the Filthy Floor.

Chile this movie is so bad, it belongs nowhere but the floor.


One of the worst movies of the year.






#Kidnap #OriginalReviews #FilthyFloor #FTTD #BeckyCouldveDoneBetter #StupidMovies2k17

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